


I loved and I loved and I lost you

by defnearas



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, I see Nott and Yeza as qpp, Nicodranas (Critical Role), Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22672828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defnearas/pseuds/defnearas
Summary: Nott has been turned into Veth. Caleb is having trouble dealing with his feelings about Veth leaving the M9 which he assumes has already happened. But as Schrödinger's cat is still considered sort of alive, Caleb chooses to believe Veth is still sort of with them until Veth herself tells him definitely that she is leaving them. And he is not above pretending to sleep to delay finding out for sure. But sometimes the cat doesn't wait for you to open the box.
Relationships: Nott/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	I loved and I loved and I lost you

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Hurts like Hell by Fleurie. Someone said this song made them think of this ship and I cannot stop thinking about it or listening to this song. Thank you for ruining my life I guess.

Caleb heard his door open and knew it must be Nott. Wait, Veth. Since it was not knocked. The room was dark. He decided he did not want to deal with this right now. If Veth didn’t tell him herself that she was going to leave the Mighty Nine, than he could still cling to some hope. Veth bumped into something and cursed under her breath. She reached the bed and sat on the other side. Her feet were barely reaching the floor. She turned towards Caleb and softly said “I know you are not sleeping even without my dark vision. Who knew there would be so many things I would miss about being a goblin? The dark vision was pretty awesome.”. Caleb couldn’t decide if he wanted to admit that he was awake yet. He kept laying on his side facing away from the door. Veth adjust the way she was sitting so that she could lay against the headboard and stretch her legs on the bed. She didn’t get closer, Caleb noted. He also realized that he had started crying. Veth gave him time. She eventually continued “So Yeza and I had a talk…”

Caleb whispered “Please stop. Just please… Don’t…”

Veth reached out to him and put her hand on his shoulder. It made Caleb feel more grounded which hurt him even more. 

“This is all your fault, you know.” He whispered angrily. Well… At least as angrily as you could possible whisper something. He didn’t turn to Veth or sit up. “I was fine being a hollow person barely alive. I deserved all the suffering I was getting. But nooo… You had to intervene. You gave me life again. You once told me that before the Mighty Nine we were only surviving but with them we were actually living. I should have known just then. Because that was not true for me. I started living because of you. Sure the Mighty Nine made our lives more interesting and more full of love. But for me, you would have been enough. I should have known, then, I was not enough for you.”

“Caleb…” Veth tried to interject. 

Caleb sniffed. “I just thought that after I pull myself together, maybe you could see me in a different light. Of course, I didn’t foster any hope for a future together after I learnt about Yeza. I tried to make myself believe my feelings were out of gratitude or another type of love. And it kind of made sense. When I looked at the old days, my feelings towards you were more like that. Maybe some of it was also that I was too broken to feel something greater. But with time I got better and we had so much love surrounding us. And I… And I realized that I wanted more from you. I craved more from you. You were just so amazing. You are just so amazing. You are brilliant and inquisitive and oh so caring and protective. You always put others first. I wanted to be the person who puts you first. And I was fine keeping my feelings to myself. You were in my life. The warmth of your presence was enough. But now that you are going away, I don’t know what to do with myself. I wish you’d never saved me. I wish I was still the hollowed out person who had not only crossed the threshold for unbearable pain but even forgotten where that threshold ever was.”  
Veth laid down on the bed as well and hugged Caleb who was now the little spoon. As Veth was about to respond, Caleb turned around facing her and hushed her. “Please forgive me. I am so sorry to say these things. I love you so much that the idea that I am upsetting you right now breaks my heart even more.” He cupped her face. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t mean it. I would not give up a single moment with you for anything. The idea of you living happily ever after does make me happy. I want you to be happy. I need you to be happy.” Tears continued to come down his cheeks. “Please tell me I didn’t ruin anything. Please tell me I am still allowed to come and visit you. To see you and your family. To see you happy.”

Veth, who was still hugging Caleb, was starting to look annoyed and amused at the same time. “You oaf! If you let me utter one sentence, you would have learnt that I am not staying here. You almost gave yourself a panic attack for naught.” She kissed his hand that was in her face. “I am going with you guys.”

Caleb’s brain appeared to be not functioning. He kept blinking and opening and closing his mouth like a fish trying to say something but nothing was coming out. Veth patiently waited for him. He finally managed to blurt out “How? Why? What?”.

Veth kissed his hand again. “Yeza and I decided that while we are still a team and the parents of a lovely boy and really love each other, we are not interested in continuing certain aspects of our relationship anymore. There are still a lot of details we need to work out but for now let’s just say that we are more like close friends than a couple. We decided that I will stay with the Mighty Nine and make more money to send them while he will remain here and really start to make a life for himself and our son. I will try to come and visit them more often with your help if you don’t mind.”

Caleb starting nodding fervently. “Of course! Of course! No problem at all! As often as you’d like! So you really are staying with m- us?”

Veth gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. “Yes, I am.”

Caleb hugged her a bit too tight and kissed her head. “I love you” he whispered.

Veth burrowed into Caleb even more. “I love you too.”


End file.
